The softest hoodie you’ll ever own — which is saying something, considering how little you feel these days. Features a classic silhouette with a pouch pocket for hoarding snacks or unresolved emotions, and a 3-panel hood you can disappear into when the world inevitably disappoints you.
Flat drawstrings match your flat affect. The self-fabric patch on the back? No one knows what it does. That’s the point.
• 100% cotton face – soft enough to remember dreams • 65% ring-spun cotton, 35% polyester – the blend of comfort and compromise • Front pouch pocket – built for hands, secrets, or existential dread • 3-panel hood – form-fitting denial • Matching flat drawstrings – emotional symmetry • Blank product sourced from Pakistan – born of industry, bound for irony
Disclaimer: Runs small. As does hope. Order one size up unless you enjoy claustrophobia.
This product doesn’t exist until you ask for it. Like hope. Or functional government. We summon it from the abyss the moment you place your order, which means it takes a little longer to arrive — patience is a virtue, or at least a mildly effective coping mechanism.
We don’t do bulk. We don’t do waste. We do exactly what’s needed, when it’s needed. Because the planet’s dying and we’d rather not speed things up just to shave off 48 hours.
Thanks for choosing not to contribute to the landfill cult. Your restraint is noted by the gods of late capitalism.
