Mercia Royale Old School Bucket Hat

The “Please Don’t Talk to Me” Bucket Hat

Equal parts functional and avoidant, this bucket hat is what happens when practicality gives up and nostalgia takes the wheel. Whether you're fishing, hiking, or pretending the '90s never ended, this hat has you covered — literally and emotionally.

Cotton-spandex blend for a touch of flexibility, but not too much. Mid-profile with a high-profile embroidery zone, because irony still needs branding. Premium sweatband for soaking up the consequences of your decisions.

• 98% cotton, 2% spandex – comfort with just enough stretch to evade accountability
• 3″ crown – high enough to feel mildly important
• Matching undervisor – because colour coordination is your last remaining control
• Premium Flexfit sweatband – absorb your regrets in style
• One size fits most – unless you’re particularly unique, in which case: sorry
• Head circumference: 21 ⅝″–23 ⅛″ – headspace not included
• Blank product sourced from Vietnam – assembled with precision, worn with ambivalence

Put it on and disappear into your curated past.

This product doesn’t exist until you ask for it. Like hope. Or functional government. We summon it from the abyss the moment you place your order, which means it takes a little longer to arrive — patience is a virtue, or at least a mildly effective coping mechanism.

We don’t do bulk. We don’t do waste. We do exactly what’s needed, when it’s needed. Because the planet’s dying and we’d rather not speed things up just to shave off 48 hours.

Thanks for choosing not to contribute to the landfill cult. Your restraint is noted by the gods of late capitalism.

Size guide