Thick. Ribbed. Emotionally unavailable. This fisherman-style beanie doesn’t ask questions — it just keeps your head warm while you stare into the void. Wide-knit texture hugs your skull like a silent agreement to feel nothing.
Pairs well with almost any outfit, especially those curated for existential drift. One size fits most, assuming most of us are just trying to get through the day.
• 100% acrylic – entirely unnatural, perfectly appropriate • Wide, ribbed knit – like your worldview: structured, yet flexible • Snug fit – tight, but not clingy • Versatile style – fits outfits and crises alike • One size fits most – unless you’re exceptional, in which case: no • Blank product sourced from China – mass-produced solitude for one
Put it on. Look aloof. Pretend it helps.
This product doesn’t exist until you ask for it. Like hope. Or functional government. We summon it from the abyss the moment you place your order, which means it takes a little longer to arrive — patience is a virtue, or at least a mildly effective coping mechanism.
We don’t do bulk. We don’t do waste. We do exactly what’s needed, when it’s needed. Because the planet’s dying and we’d rather not speed things up just to shave off 48 hours.
Thanks for choosing not to contribute to the landfill cult. Your restraint is noted by the gods of late capitalism.
