Dad hat? Hardly. This is for anyone dodging responsibility while maintaining a curated sense of apathy. Low profile, unstructured, and emotionally distant — just like the man himself.
Features an adjustable strap for your shifting identity and a curved visor to shield your eyes from anything earnest. Comes with six embroidered eyelets, because ventilation matters when you're suppressing everything else.
• 100% chino cotton twill – unless it’s Green Camo, then polyester crashed the party • Unstructured, 6-panel, low-profile – like your ambition • 3 ⅛” crown – just tall enough for plausible deniability • Adjustable strap with antique buckle – fake history, real flexibility • Blank product sourced from Vietnam or Bangladesh – geographically outsourced disillusionment
Put it on. Look away. Pretend it means something.
This product doesn’t exist until you ask for it. Like hope. Or functional government. We summon it from the abyss the moment you place your order, which means it takes a little longer to arrive — patience is a virtue, or at least a mildly effective coping mechanism.
We don’t do bulk. We don’t do waste. We do exactly what’s needed, when it’s needed. Because the planet’s dying and we’d rather not speed things up just to shave off 48 hours.
Thanks for choosing not to contribute to the landfill cult. Your restraint is noted by the gods of late capitalism.
