Emo Water Wine tumbler

Nothing says outdoor joy masked in existential dread like a stainless steel wine tumbler designed to hold your emotional support rosé. This 12 oz chalice of chill features a curved silhouette perfect for sipping in silence while pretending you're present.

Breakable glassware is a pre-collapse luxury. This one’s vacuum-sealed, spill-resistant (not spill-proof — like your coping), and shaped like your last decent conversation: rounded and rare.

• 12 oz (355 ml) — one serving of denial
• 4.7″ × 3.5″ (12 cm × 9 cm) — palm-sized escapism
• Stainless steel, because glass is for optimists
• Double-wall vacuum sealed to keep things cold, unlike you
• Uniquely curved, like your life path

Disclaimers:
• Not dishwasher or microwave safe — obviously. Handle like the last shred of your dignity.
• Lid reduces spills but won’t save you from them. Tip it and it talks. Just like you.

This product doesn’t exist until you ask for it. Like hope. Or functional government. We summon it from the abyss the moment you place your order, which means it takes a little longer to arrive — patience is a virtue, or at least a mildly effective coping mechanism.

We don’t do bulk. We don’t do waste. We do exactly what’s needed, when it’s needed. Because the planet’s dying and we’d rather not speed things up just to shave off 48 hours.

Thanks for choosing not to contribute to the landfill cult. Your restraint is noted by the gods of late capitalism.

Size guide