Emo Water Stainless steel water bottle with a straw lid

Quench your thirst for meaning with the Emo Water vessel — 32 ounces of industrial-grade delusion. Crafted for the emotionally overextended and physically underwhelmed, it features a wide-mouth foldable straw (for when you need to sip without facing consequences) and a rotating handle that spins just like your thoughts at 3am.

• Double-walled stainless steel, vacuum-sealed like your feelings
• Lid made of plastic, just like your friendships
• 32 oz. (950 ml) of why bother
• Stands 9.92″ tall, like your unrealistic expectations
• 3.54″ diameter — same as the void
• Glossy finish for maximum reflection (internal and external)
• Rotating handle for indecision on the go
• Includes anti-slip patch, because rock bottom’s still slippery
• Manufactured somewhere in China by the ghosts of your youth

Disclaimer: Not microwave or dishwasher safe. Like your coping mechanisms — must be handled with care.

Size guide